elsewhere

Think about them one at a time..It really does make you feel Good.^^

1. friends cheering for your victory

2. learning a new dance step

3. simple and honest compliments from the people you luv.

4. No quiz the next day

5. big hug from Bee

6. a Happy Sabbath greeting from mommy and daddy back home

7. eating cold ripe mangoes with my sister

8. a cool song on the radio during a road trip

9. kahit anong trip with friends with rolled down car windows.. laughing about nothing. hahaha

10. light rain on my cheek

11. learning a new phrase in a new language

12. cold fresh water on a really hot day

13.a simple i miss you text witha cute smiley

14. long hot showers before bedtime

15. catching up with long lost friends

16. enjoying a gloomy day at starbucks with friends

17. sunset on the beach

18. jazz music while talking to justin frias

19. laughing at silly stuff with Diana

20. talking to daddy and mommy on the phone

21. purchasing that bag you fell inlove with at the mall

22. Bee telling me i cook the best scarmbled eggs in the world. hahaha

23. wearing really comfy clothes that makes you look nice aniway

24. visiting friends in their homes

25. going to sleep after a really nice talk with God.

26. running really really fast across the soccer field

27. pimple-free mornings

28. being informed about a friend’s success.

29. daddy playing wonderful songs every Sabbath Mornings back home

30. mommy’s paksiw na bangus

31. inspiring movies that touch your heart

32. a quick swim on a hot day

33. receiving really cool gifts

34. amazing violinists playing Canon and Perfect Love.

35. playing with Von ( my 4yr old nephew)

36. giving gifts to mommy and daddy using their money

36. writing a love letter

37. making a short video clip for Bee

39. Making Mango float and Leche Flan

40. lazy sunday mornings

41. walking barefoot on a really soft carpet

42. reconstructing my dreams on my mind

43. sweet scented lotion after bath

44. hearing birdies chirping on your windowpane every morning

45. friends thanking you after a dinner at your house

46. talking about funny stuff while running on the treadmill.

47. getting a perfect score in your quiz

48. playing in a water puddle while it’s raining—with a yellow umbrella

49. the feeling of relief after cleaning up your room.

50.reminding myself i’m lucky God is looking after me.

…….. dot dot dot dot…….. i could flip the daily calendar any minute now….. soon itll be 20th. this note has nothing to do with the date nor the calendar. this note is juz plain balderdash……………………………………….and when that happens it means i’m into a lot o’ thinking..today i learned to drop all my cares like a gooey cornstarch mixed with water falling splat on the floor.  i handed it all to a big boss i know waay up there but i’m hiding some stuff stuck on my hand. it feels gooey but i din wash it off aniway. i wanted to but i figured…… i wont. maybe later.       i’m just sad. but not too sad to cry. i’m tired but not too much to fall asleep. i’m somewhere in the midline. not skewed to the left nor right. ………………………….i know some persons are rooting for my failure like a vulture eyeing on his prey before it’s even dead.   at some point it feels scary but i’m more of sad about it. …… so i turn the mirror back at me, i hope that not even in my subconcious mind will i think of a pal’s failure. or a relative’s downfall. if i do or if i did. i hope they forgive me.         ..one thing is certain tho. if prayers are real flames i hope my soul is on fire. fire  brought about by other burning souls. and i hope i learn to set someone on fire as well……i will… not long from now………………………………………………….it may sound funny but it couldn’t get any more serious than this. ooooops its march 20th goodnight to you…….

some random thoughts inside honey’s mind-(february 10′09) as of 5:00pm::::

—–some people are juz so bored they’ll do what they can to piss their seatmate off—–some people are in market2 right now——some are juz in their apartments playing mafia wars on facebook—–some are inlove—some are hopeless—some are weary about school, grades and all those things that give you nightmares—–some are so rich they’re on their way out to hit the mall and shop—–some are coping with their broken hearts—–some are flirting—–some people are missing their loved ones—–some are guilty of doing something wrong—–some are visiting a new place for the first time—–some are hurt by other people—–some people hurt other people—–some are thinking of buying a gift for someone—some juz needs a shoulder to cry on—some people are wishing they’re on someoneelse’s shoe—some don’t have a mouse pad for their laptops—-some people are juz born proud—–some of my classmates are studying—–some people play soccer—-others play pool—–some WISH they have someone to play with—-some people are cooking food for other people—some people lie—-some people have not experienced financial hardship—-some are just sooo sad—some people work hard for their money—some people steal—some people waits for a miracle—-some people play the piano—some people miss their mom and dad—-some people dream of their kids away from home—-some people are jealous—-some feel so cold and lonely—some are bored to death—-some people are watching youtube—-some people pretend they’re someoneelse—-some people wax their hairy legs—-some people talk about other people—-some people are bitter—some people are broke—some people are sick in the hospital—some people attend to the needs of the sick—some people are kind and meek—some are suprisingly annoying—some people are alone in their rooms—some people write about all the nonsense they think about AND some people are reading this right now!!!!  Loooooooooool   Life is like a walk down the street…you never know who’s standing right at the corner until you get there…you may get hit by a bus if you don’t watch out and take care of yourself….you meet wonderful and not so wonderful people(inside the shops you happen to pass  by, right across the street, walking with you for the next 2 blocks, selling candies and cigarettes to cars stuck in traffic,….EVERYWHERE) Life is a gift. at times it may appear as  rubbish, at times it’s fancy wrapped…. but no matter how you see it……..you have to say “thank you” and take control cuz it’s yours to keep.

see… i know i’m no genius and i can’t even ace my family med quiz tho it’s ridiculously simple according to the docs; but for over some time now i’ve been learning a looot and i feel obliged to share few nuggets of “honey’s-wisecrack-facts”( ummm i know.. they don’t really rhyme) aniway, iv’e learned that:

1. good music uplifts even the worst moods.

2. good speakers aplify more awsome effect than juz good sound waves.

3. old friends are tastier, yummier, fluffier, gigglier ( and all the errs you could find) in time.

4. being me and being true to myself isnt so bad afterall.

5. im really lazy and that ive been lazy for far too long to change overnight.’

6. no one can really help you drag your ass to the ladder of success but you down here and God way up.

7. the test paper is a really really mean thing. it doesnt care if youre hungry or you were in jail the night before or you din get to sleep bacause your neighbor was singing “womanizer” on the karaoke all night long.. or youre juz plain sick. all it cares about are right answers legibly wriiten all over it.

8. i dont have to spend a lot for nice clothes. somehow it juz manages to reach me via friends. cousins and fans! ( ok maybe not fans)

9.money is very valuable nowadays. so unless you shit money, dont go around spending like youre dying the next day.

10. boys can be true friends without taking advantage of you. (gays are included in this category unless they have their corpus spungiosum and spinosum removed)

11.being mad at someone without any reason may mean jealousy.

12. some not so nice people are juz not nice. ( like really)

13. some people are juz so selfish its almost silly. ( from taking home every christmas leftover food to giving away a smile to other people)

14. loving someone with all your hypothalamus can be a lil scary.

15. good lyrics + good melody= life changing.

16. i may never let go that dream to be a rockstar.

17. my time is so precious i may not have the exact amount of it again. (no. not in this lifetime)

18. mommy and daddy loves me waaaay too much to give me evrything i want.

19. ive learned that fruits everyday makes the poopoo away. ( sometimes even twice a day.)

20. moisturized skin shows less pimples.

21. that lotion i tried from watsons last month can be my skin’s new bestfriend. ( hey it was cheaper than my previous brand… i;m living on a tight budget till next month)

22. my sister is a very talented person. ( she can braid her tongue. hahahahhaah)

23. a person touched by the Holy spirit is a new person.(no seriously…it’s like a different person)

24. a good bra is a girl’s bestfriend. ( and i say.. irregardless of the size. no, really)

25. that alarm clock i dream about every morning is actually the real deal. ( too bad i start to realize that when it’s about to run out of batteries)

26. i can make a career out of scrubbing bathroom walls and toilet seats. not a very ideal job if you ask me but my mom is convinced i could use that rich experience someday. ( a uh! not if i become a rockstar mom!)

27.  TO BE UPDATED>>>> my eyes hurt… i still gotta figure out how to adjust the brightness of theeee screeeen of my laptop. ( stupid! maybe thats exactly why im not a rockstar) hahahahahaha  HUH?

These are my wishes so far: (since i realized there’s a couple of ‘em to be thought of over and over again)

1. i wish that when I’m 40 or older, my nieces and nephews won’t think of me as selfish with insecurity issues.   2. i wish they won’t be pissed by the thought of me and that my kids would not be embarrassed to let me visit em in school.   3. i wish that when I’m on top of the ladder i would not forget who my true friends are.   4. i wish that when I’m somebody i would not think of anyone as nobody.  5. i wish i could buy my mom and dad a fine house on a hill.  6. i wish i could raise a school for kids who can’t afford quality education.  7. i wish i could visit Europe and brag about how i actually learned my way around.   8. i wish i could repay my dad all hard work he’s done.  9. i wish i could be of service as a doctor to my kindergarten teacher one of these days.   10. i wish i have more than 24 hrs in one day.  11. i wish i could take a peep to what tomorrow would be like. (literal tomorrow- so I’d know about our quiz the next day! lol). 12. i wish i was wiser in choosing a boyfriend when i was younger( now i know it’s not only the looks that matter it’s what’s inside the brain cage- and that includes the hypothalamus and amygdala for emol stuff and calculus. lol) 13. i wish i spent more time practicing the piano…. TO BE UPDATED! IM HUNGRY> GTG EAT FIRST

I’ve always wanted sumthing… it’s one hell of a gift. it’s not expensive at all. i bet it’s not even an effort with regards to money matters but it’s really awful that i haven’t even gotten a grip of it. at least not lately. I’ve been thinking and evaluating myself… i don’t have kazillions to spend in my lifetime; i don’t even have a 30,000 peso worth of bag. i bet no one can tell me i can’t have this gift cuz it’s pretty obvious no one can have everything. i barely got nothing (woah! talk about double negative) but I’m oh so jealous of those who have this… why can’t i? I’ve been back and forth the edges of my brain thinking of something or some things making me unworthy of this gift. ( I’m taking neuroanatomy and if doc B. reads about my brain has edges part, he’d totally flunk me). it’s juz so precious that the mere thought of having this gift would make me wanna cry(I’m not a crybaby!!!) maybe I’m not worthy after all; maybe i don’t have enough credits in my shopping o’ friends to win this gift; maybe i don’t have enough info to crack the code of this gift; or maybe i juz didn’t gain enough points to take even the remedial exam for this gift… maybe… just maybe… and it never ends there…

even marathon athletes have this thing they’re scared of called “the wall” i thought it’s like an “it” girl’s version of a pony tail when her hair is impossibly frizzy; or hunger pangs for a person on low intake of anything for 2 weeks… or maybe not. irregardless, it’s still a scary thing. it’s scary because after all that you’ve been through, the wall is that very thin line between giving up or holding on. it’s never easy and sometimes it costs a bucket of tears. i’m scared of the wall or even getting close to the wall. i’m scared to label myself as selfish-because after all, i do have the world on my shoulders. This world would shatter and crumble if i hit the wall and decide not to go on. and this crumbling and shattering will slit my heart open and not forgive myself… for a very long time…and when i would think i finally do, it would haunt me again and remind me of the pain i caused this “world”. WALL-SELFISH-WORLD-PAIN. these are but keywords to get to the bottom of what i’m feeling now. it’s scary. really scary. and it’s hard. really hard but i would not stop and stare at this wall forever. i’ll drill it and pound it with anything i could find. i would climb it until my hands bleed, i would burn it or make it explode. i don’t even know if there is more than one wall, maybe yes, maybe no. i hope i would not dare stop if i face it one more time…

life is wonderful despite of the failing grades and awful outcomes of your own wrongdoings… life is wonderful despite of the sleazy people around you telling you what and who you are… life is wonderful despite of the scarcity of financial things and physical blessings…life is wonderful despite of the insecurities and emotional distress… life is wonderful despite of the sick loved ones you worry about… life is wonderful despite of the big pimple on your forehead or the broken nail on your index finger…life is wonderful despite of the excess fats or messy hair…life is wonderful despite of the noisy and irritating surrounding… life is wonderful despite of the deprivation of all the things you long for… life is wonderful despite of all the sins that are loading your heart down…. bacause there is a wonderful God who turns all ugly things wonderful if you ask Him to… and a wonderful God that changes your heart from being weary, sad and tired to be soooo wonderful…life is wonderful!!!

it’s funny how much blessing we receive in one day yet we don’t  deserve even a splatter of it. celebrate life! amidst the clamoring worries and busyness,  vanity and nonesense hustles…God looks down still inlove with us sinful as we are… the thought of it is juz so majestic… big smile!

school still sucks but i managed to have a perfect score in somequizes and still fail the majority when i got the hang of it… ( i wish) but i noticed when one gets the hang of it, it’s not so rocket science anymore.. ocourse it doesnt snatch away the good ol’ fact that schools freakin hard especially if you’re dead on lazy like me…. but as much as i don’t reallyknow where i’m gettin with this right now i dont know what monday brings… or tomorrow for that matter… i’m juz glad people around me are so darn cool that helps get the hang of things… lately i opened a pack of choco mint, twas horrible but after i got a bite after the other it wasnt so bad anymore.. this morning i happened to stand face to face with a frozen “calamansi” in the kitchen( believe me, i never thought that’s possible either but whoever put it inside the fridgeis a genius!) im not so sure if getting the hang of things is an evil deed or heaven’s way of making this earth a lil prettier but day after day… quiz or no quiz, fail or pass. i sure wana get the hang of things.. cuz adjusting to something new is a major major stress conductor.!!!!

i smell the foul odor of poverty nd dispair yet i choose to raise my head a lil higher and look at the pink sky slowly fading its color before my eyes. to me it’s pink not orange nor yellow and every second it’s turning gray. i’m in an unfamiliar place; unsafe and barely furnished. i hear the horns of tricycles and motorcycles and some howling of street guys when some girl in a short skirt passes by three floors below where i actually stand..it’s not my best day so far but it’s not the worst…i figured if i’d spend every ounce of my resources making myself physically pleasing i could be in that exact billboard i’m staring at right now from afar…or if i’m not too lazy i would have been studying at this moment and be happy looking back at my life 5 years from now…but my mind brought me to a thought where all these B.S. where people kill for a degree or proffession does not actually happen. i knowsomewhere it doesn’t. and that sucks- i said to myself… “that really sucks”. so then again i worry about my pale brown shorts being pressed against the dusty green roof as i sit… and shut my mind from a lot of thinking and hurried down the stairs. a lot of things suck right now but juz as my shorts will be after i wash it, things will be juz as clean..(and it’ll smell good too)…lol

i hope i can survive 1st year med. hahaha one step at a time….

my pilot has taken me to a greater heights… i can’t wait to begin my life over again— it’s exciting! almost as much as the moment i got my plane ticket going here. haha i can’t wait….(WWJD)

im so far away.. im done. wit school, wit being away, doin laundry on my own, managing monthly allowance, and basically doin what i want. im home now. but in so far away. im stuck, im clogged. im stagnant… i need help. i need a pilot to fly me somewhere… i need you. wherever you are. please take me away. im down here in a very unpleasant hole of boring routins and shattered overwhelming familiar territorial bricks are around me. im jealous with you who have seen the rainbows end and fought with trolls which turned out to be chocolate mints inside juz after you shot ‘em dead. help me! free me.

apparently nothing! what’s next?

if there’s one thing i think i did fast this summer, it’s growing up. not that i miraculously gained few inches to my height ( though i have the talent of growing horizontally) but i feel like i’ve done a lot of growing up than i should have. this summer is by far my worst. i bet i can safely say that. this summer i learned number of things i’ll never forget-most of them, i learned the hard way. iv’e never been even been a few metres from a beach this summer. the closest thing i got to a cool summer splash is a not so well managed pool about half a kilometer away from my aunt’s place where i stay for weekeends.(that doesn’t really count.does it?) aniway, this summer i didn’t really meet a friendly alien from mars.

i was locked inside the four walls of biochemistry classroom and this said room(allow me to elaborate) is miles away from the gate which is to most of my schoolmates is the only thing that keeps us from freedom. i stayed inside the school campus and indulged into what any boring summer-campus could offer- the feeling of walikng in a ghost town on my way to the caf, eating all the tofu i could take just to keep my mind away from my friends texting me they’re having a good time somewhere. one of them is even in Greece. not so bad ei? i mean things could always get worse right? but this summer i do learned that the internet is rather heaven especially to a bored person. i also realized i could produce more than a gallon of tears and 3 hankyfull of yeah you guessed it- mucus!( technical term people! hehe)

i missed the people i love more,i choked when i forgot to say grace before eating, i got a li’l smarter in geography ( now i know Eutopia is somewhere between me being half awake and half asleep) - or that’s not in the map. is it? i discovered i’m not so bad in writing, i appreciated Filipino songs, i spent time with my cousins and did a very good job of not killing them especially when they fight over the remote control or fart in front of the electric fan. i guessed i did learn a lot. the rest of my emotional outbursts isn’t so pleasing to be read here but i do learned to fall on my knees a lot of times this summer. i memorized a new bible verse and learned a new song.

i’m still not good at violin or piano. i still go crazy singing at the bathroom. but this summer, i grew up a li’l more than i should have- really. i’m still me just with a new fave song, sitcom and probably a better hobby. .. some new stuff and a new deodorant scent; higher temper, less patience but more jokes to tell; it’s actually unending ya know- "learning". it starts to sound like a cliche now. but iv’e grown up. yap! yap! i did!  this summer is pretty much just like an apisode though. can’t wait to start a new one till i’d be all grown up! ( or will that ever happen…? hehehe)

this is exactly what i’m wondering about at this moment. toinx! - this is exactly my favorite word for the moment. it almost means nothing but can always save you the extra 12 ounces of saliva when you can’t think of a word to say what you ought to. i’m bored and i juz found out a wondrous fact that it is actually 12:55 in the mornyt!  ummm…. what else can i say, sumtimes it’s a good thing to juz write about anything and be stupid! - or not.

this is one of those lazy afternoons where logging online isn’t just a choice but a desperate attempt to keep your boring social life preserved. i mean being here in this quite-normal-school i should say is just like being——— then i get lost into thinking of other stuff to write about.  aniways, i’m so bored now i could just chew off the mouse but then again i might be bored but i’m still sane.    these are the times when i think of deep nonesense thoughts that is just plain nonesense. just so i could have something to write!!!!